Howdy folks it is time to rejoice for we have wonderful news. We have now moved to www.yourfaceisanadvert.com. We have done this so we can make everything look pretty. The same wise words from the Blackett Blakeborough team but now slightly more organized. Cant wait to see you there
Blakeborough
7 seasons?? I thought I'd heard them wrong, but Wikipedia reliably(!) informs me that this is true. Blimey, it only seems like yesterday that Ant was getting paint in his eyes.
I have to say though, despite the terribly cliched and campy humour, Saturday Night Takeaway doesn't really offend me. At least Ant and Dec, miniture people that they are, don't. What offends me, and I don't even need to watch all of today's new offering to have it reiterated for me, is the British public.
Now the first game, as far as I could tell, was for a Mother to reveal the truth behind lots of lies that she's been telling to her family. Her daughter didn't really seem too upset to find out that her hamster had not died naturally but had been victim to the hoover, rather her extremely pissed-off expression seemed to be the result of finding out that she had failed to win a foot-spa.
Yes. A foot-spa. A bowl of water that makes bubbles around your feet, goes cold in 5 minutes, and causes power surges (in my experience at least). I think I might have preferred a speed boat, but whatever.
[Update] just as I was about to post, the mother won a holiday to Florida. I believe for two. Her daughter did not look impressed. Also, Will Ferrell whoring himself to British tea time telly? Shocker.
Blackett
Normally we dont talk about more serious issues but this caught my eye and I thought I have an opinion or two on that Media Guardian flagged up comments made about the talks over what will happen to Yahoo. Microsoft have been talking about taking it over and the recent comments made by Yahoo execs have made me rather happy and develop feelings of like towards the often messy and shittier Yahoo. Its nice to hear a company talking about its development in terms of users rather than how much money they can roll about in after a take over.
Blackett
I would have liked to have made some pun about Lost now finding its way but it has pretty much done that itself with the advertising of the new series. Due to drastically falling ratings across the globe Lost has had to change how it goes about doing its thing so now instead of a series of 23/4 episodes of the survivors of Oceanic flight 815 walking from one side of the island back to the other we are no given a series of 16 episodes which has a clear definite we will end in 2010 ending. And these seems to all be working in its favour. I was a fan of the first two seasons and have only recently played catch up with season three just so I could see poor Charlie die and the opening episode of season four is an improvement on all of them. The flash forwards are a touch of genious, now that we know that only a few survivors actually make it off the island and that what ever happened to get the Jack, Kate, Hurley and the rest of 'Oceanic six' off the island is incredibly horrific that they cant bring themselves to talk about it, it adds an air of foreboding and your sat there constantly wondering 'what the hell do they do.'
So I think I may be hooked again, my only problem is that its on sky one and I have a terrible problem with keeping track of what is on and when on sky, need to upgrade my box I feel. Sky plus here I come.
Blackett
It has been a while since I have been to the cinema and seen something that I have thought 'Wow this is an event' rather than a glorified tv movie and Cloverfield came along and pressed all the right buttons. I seem to be a little bit behind with this film, I saw the excellent trailer that showed very little but some how I managed to miss the amount of hype and viral marketing there was. So there is a very little I can say about this fim that hasnt been said befor. So i give it two thumbs up, a must see on the big screen as I am guesssing it will lose alot in the translation to small screen. My biggest gripe with the film is that I can not see the god damn thing that crashes into the sea at the end! This is one thing that wikipedia told me to look out for befor I went to see the film and I have trawled through youtube and I can not see anything. It makes me feel a bit stupid. But here is one vid to help you all help me, apparently it happens during the long shot of the beach.
Blakeborough
The latest of Channel 4's 'Hidden Talents' idents has caused no end of discussion in my house. Is it real? Does Jamie Oliver really have a penchant for ping pong?
I think not, but nevertheless very clever and looks realistic. In fact, I'm not entirely sure how it's filmed, as there is no obvious digital trickery, and the camera stays in focus and stationary throughout. Answers on a postcard please.
I have my own theory...bare with me:
J.O lisps away for a bit, walks up to the table and starts 'playing'. I noticed that he only moves his paddle hand right and left, which is pretty easy to do even without looking. I think the other two guys are awesome, and skilled enough to be hitting the ball directly at his paddle. Thusly, Jamie Oliver looks like a pro. Obviously, lots of practice is required here, but I couldn't really see Channel 4 forking out for any kind of computer wizardry that I don't understand.
I could be, and probably am wrong so please disagree.
Doesn't really make me like him any more though.
I grew up half an hour from where Mr Oliver was raised, and my dad enjoyed his childhood literally down the motorway from him. I wish someone to explain to me how he has ended up with a faux 'chim chiminy, chim, chim cher-ee' accent when I haven't. An noone else in Essex has. We may all be common, and have spawned Jodie Marsh, but we're not quite Victorian cockneys.
[Note] Out of interest, I Wikipedia'd where Jodie Marsh was born. One half of my genetic makeup comes from the town responsible for her. Wonderful.
P.S:
In December 2006, Marsh announced her engagement to Brentwood DJ David Doyle, after dating for eleven days. Eschewing the traditional engagement ring, Marsh instead tattooed Doyle's full name on her hand and the couple appeared together in OK! magazine announcing their plan to marry in a fetish ceremony in a dungeon."
Blackett
For the first time since this series began I have had the joy of watching it on the tv screen rather than throught the rather poor definition of the ITV catch up thingy and oh my god there was no difference. Infact watching it on the big screen made me think I could be watching soemthing else on another channel because this was the biggest pile of wank I have watched in a good long time. The problems are numerous with this episode, you would think that with only two more episodes to go they would start tying up a few threads but no. Instead they decided to introduce new ideas such as a Nokia N95 that has an extra transparent flap that serves no purpose and makeup that does not run on Hannah Spearitts face whilst shes drowing but as soon as she starts crying it starts to run as though it were charcoal. Earlier this season we were given the first hint that Hannah was slowly becoming Buffy and this episode she got to do some lovely wire work beating up some sort of future mermaid that looked like a hairless Ludo of Labrynth fame.
It is also becoming more apparent that the writers of this show seem to play alot of computer games. Not only does the CGI look like its straight out of a PS2 game but they seem to see a generic idea and then run with it, this week we had the water level and then from the supposed teaser trailer next week is the sand level. I hope that in the sand they have weapons that are as sand proof as they were water proof tonight.
Blakeborough
Two posts in one day? Crikey. But really, the last one was a mere update.
This is what I really wanted to talk about and I was reminded a few days ago by the Daily Mirror RSS feed;
Polly Hudson.
her. Not only does her column in the Mirror actually have that cringeworthy title, but its full of the kind of dumbed down, celebrity baiting bullshit that seems to infect every aspect of my day to day media enjoyment.
She usually winds me up on a fairly regular basis, but this week she has reminded me of another story that, for me, beggared belief.
Apparently a group of lesbians are unhappy with the term 'lesbian' and have launched a world wide movement to have the term changed to 'gay-elle' As in 'gay', and 'elle' (french for 'she')
According to them, 'lesbian' has become a derogatory term and as such, a name change will obviously solve all these problems.
I wonder whether anyone has realised that if lesbians become 'gayelles', then gay-elle will probably also become derogatory, such is the way of some people's attitudes. Narrowminded people will always use 'gay' or 'lesbian' as some kind of insult- even though it doesn't really make sense to do so- and until their attitudes are changed, whatever you call homosexual people will be used in this negative manner. Its unfortunate, and these people are very sad, but a simple change of term will not work.
ALSO...when I first read this article, 'gayelle' rung a small bell for me somewhere in the recesses of my mind. So I looked it up on trusty interweb:
gayelle-
An arena used for the sport of cock-fighting in the Caribbean. Persons would congregate in the gayelle and gamble by placing bets on one of the two roosters engaged in the cock-fight. the winning animal is the one left alive at the end of the duel.
God only knows why I knew that, but the point is that I feel this whole term change business won't work too well when they want to change 'lesbian' to a term that will affect images of a brutal and undeniably masculine sport instead of lady-love. Sigh. Besides, it sounds stupid. Too much like gazelle. Heaven forefend it will actually turn up in our vocab anytime soon, but I won't be using it.
Anyway, to get back to the point, I hate Polly Hudson. It makes me sad that a vapid, dead-eyed, celebrity-hating (but secretly loving) harrigan like her has a weekly column in a national newspaper. Particularly when I don't.
Blakeborough
I just had to put in one of the complaints received by ITV about the magnificently chested Holly, provided to me courtesy of the wonderful Holy Moly:
"I have just read the piece in the Daily Mail about Holly Willoughby. Your spokes person said you only had 5 complaints about her dress - well here's number 6. I'm fed up with the stupid dresses she inflicts upon us. I'm sick at looking at her boobs. There are 9 million viewers? Well 3 million are probably men ogling her cleavage. I object to this kind of "titilation" taking place on family viewing programmes. Those men could go out and buy an appropriate magazine. And also while I'm writing - I have written before to complain - and no doubt I am the only one - about the stupid drumming that takes place while the newsreaders are trying to tell us the news 6 pm every night. Will you please stop doing this. I have to turn the telly right down because the drumming makes me feel ill."
This quote made me laugh for a good 10 minutes, so it is worthy of sharing.
Blackett
Blackett
After the amazing peice of programming that was Torchwood BBC2 started showing Wonderland: Virtual Adultry and Cyberspace Love. This is not the most amazing piece of television there ever was, this is a documentary about those people that we often view to be 'sad losers' who spend more time in second life than in the first one they were given. As far as I watched this programme did nothing to dispel this stereotype, I only got up to the point where two of the online lovers met, one going so far as to fly over to a beautiful council estate in the middle of London from some where far hotter and sunnier in America and the akward silence betrween them was far too much for me to bear so I changed channels to the much more offensive and a million times funnier American Pie: the wedding.*
*I do realsie that this film is crap but i needed anything, ANYTHING to get rid of the taste in my mouth left by the polygon humpers
Blackett
A-may-zing. Iv only just stopped watching and im gushing a little and trying to type this through a haze of tears. Cried like a hungry angry baby. In episode three of the new series Tosh steps up to the spotlight in an amazing heartbreaking story. When it popped up on screen that Helen Raynor had written this episode I did think oh no shes the one who wrote the dubious Dalek episodes in the last series of Doctor Who but she pulled a doozy out of the bag.
The episode revolves around Tommy who is frozen in 1918 as he holds the key to saving the world at some un known point in the future. He must be de frosted for one day every 12 months or so just check that he is in full working order then they put him back under the ice again. But over the past 4 years Tosh has started falling for him. I could go on for hours about the little looks and smiles that Tosh gives through the whole episode each one being so tragic because we know that some thing crap is going to happen to Tommy, otherwise the episode would be dull as hell. Also ontop of this we have a sneeky peek of old Torchwood (pictured) and the creepiest one legged man I have ever seen. Any way I think thats all I can say with out spoiling anything, if you missed it head over to the BBC iplayer and watch it for the next seven days till your eyes bleed.
Or if you have watched it dont forget the Torchwood Website with its amazing game. I LOVE TOSH.
Blackett
Oh my what has happened. Looks like Kylie's muse William Baker (or cunt face) is losing his shine. This video was a chance for Kylie to be dancing along with some beautiful bodies but instead we get her gyrating in slow motion on a light in a suit that makes her look a bit chubby. Although I am enjoying the game of is it a wig or not.
Blakeborough
Primeval. Its been commissioned for a third series. I really couldn't care any less as I won't be watching it. Obviously some people are though.
Lastly, but not leastly is Holly Willoughby. She's lovely, no? Harmless and extremely easy on the eyes. However, I was reading the Mirror the other day and noticed that the very tasteful dress that she was wearing for Saturday's Dancing On Ice, has come under fire as a wardrobe misjudgement.
Now, I was watching on Saturday and thought that, although slightly revealing in all the best ways, her dress was very nice:
Maybe I'm biased, as never can a lovely lady such as herself be wearing too skimpy a dress, but I would have thought there are far more upsetting and children-damaging images on television also before the watershed. Primeval being one of them.
No! I mustn't be mean about it, I promised after all.
Anyway, I personally was glad to see a woman with some meat on her bones being confident with her body.
Good on you Holly Willoughby. Although I'm sure your 'assets' went unnoticed by the male ice dancers, and the repugnant Jason Gardiner, at least Phil 'Silver Fox' Schofield and myself enjoyed them.
A bit of a surprise this week, I didnt completely hate it. Of course there were a couple of jumps in logic, such as the team going back to Thorpe Park for no particular reason after the attack at the train station and small bits that annoy me...for example: When the more dull but attractive doctor received a text message from the ex wife (I still don't care enough to know their names) the lady's cast photo appeared on his phone. I know this was done to remind the normally stupid viewers of itv who a character is, but it just seemed lazy to me.
Other than that (oh no, wait, the lead moody and dull character's pot belly also annoyed me) the episode was not all bad. Although I felt I had seen this story before there was plenty of atmosphere, the creepy farm was indeed very creepy, although the barn did appear to be sound proof. And the acting seems to be stepping up a bit. The Claudia-Brown-but-not character I can barely remember from last series has some genuinely funny moments and nerd dude is very like able, although lord only knows when he is getting his uni work done.
I hope next week with the 'future sharks' keeps up at least this level of story telling and starts to tie up some of the story arcs which are getting rather tangled for a six episode series.
Blakeborough
If you haven't heard of the 'Runaways' series of comics, then I highly recommend braving your nearest comic selling shop (much as some pretend, we just don't have Comic Book Stores in the UK) and picking up at least the first volume.
I'm usually extremely picky about what comics I read; Buffy season 8 and Marvel Zombies being the only titles of late that I have enjoyed extensively. So, when the first volume of Runaways was thrust into my hands, I have to say I was a little sceptical and unsure that I would really enjoy it.
I could not have been more wrong.
The writing is eloquent and witty, genuinely moving in places, and always careful to maintain the correct voices. This is something I tend to have an issue with regarding comics, and in fact some novels. As long as an author maintains the styles and tones attributed to a character throughout the narrative I'm happy, but so often I find myself loosing my place and the 'flow' of a story if a character is inconsistent. Luckily, Runaways has no such problem.
Telling the story of a group of 8 (more or less!) children who have run away from home after discovering that their parents are evil supervillians, Runaways charts the changes in the relationships, group dynamic and fates of its heroes. Surprises, cameos, and deaths aplenty!
I'd hate to ramble on and spoil plot points for anyone reading this who might be interested in picking up a copy or two, so I'll keep this short. But quite simply Runaways is wonderful.
There we go, no bitchiness in that one!
Blackett
Oh dear I was afraid that this blog would start becoming a bitchfest and we would slowly turn into horrible fanboys that hate everything in the world becasue it wasnt made to the exact detail we imagine in our heads. I would like to say that this next blog is going to be different but its not, but its not my fault, I swear! I cant help it that Aliens Vs Predator: Requiem was made and I, in my infinite wisdom decided that it would be a good idea to go and see it.
I didnt go into this film with any hopes of it actually being good I pretty much accept that the AvP series fall into the money making side of Hollywood rather than aiming to have any worth, and at times there is nothing wrong with that (sadly I have a soft spot for the Resident Evil films). So here I am hoping for some mindless fun and I get presented with this mess of a film.
The film starts with some hope, I like a bit of continuity, it always gives me a little buzz when I see something and can go "thats from the last film" so with this one starting the second the last one ended I thought it was nice. Then it was all down hill. A shot of the city next to where the Predator ship crashed, made me excited, there was some vague hope would see aliens roaming about a town in the style of Primeval, but better. Instead of a whole hunky dory new location for killing and acid blood the amazing directors chose locations that looked exactly the same as from other films, sewers that look like Aliens, an electicity place (its not fully explained what it is but it manages to control all of the electricity, phone lines, internet..infact we will just call it the building that is a plot device to make a whole town isolated from the rest of the world) that could have been from Alien3, the forest doubles for the jungle in Predator and at one point we even get a swimming alien ala Alien Ressurection.
In fact its incredibly difficult to escape the constant bombardment of homages to the previous films, which wouldnt be a bad thing if you're not sitting there trying ever so desperately to detach this film from a series of films that you love. Things get to be a little ridiculous when Ripley and Newt style characters are shoe horned into the tale and start driving about in a tank. Its as though the directors want to be patted on the back for watching the last films.
Finally, as i feel I have ranted for too long, there is the incredibly bad way in which the Aliens and Predator are shot. I never realised the Predators were such a camp race, the one that runs about this film being some sort of glorified cleaner moves like a balerina. He waft his hands high into the air every time he jumps, not in a manly way but as if this film is his audition for Swan Lake and every time he oh so gently touched the controls on his arm it made me laugh. The design of the Predator in this film makes him look a little ridiculous rather than scary, although his tiny lean but muscular body and his giant head could explain the reason why he flounces about the place. Then there are the Aliens; for the brief seconds we did see them they were shrouded in so much darkness that they might as well not have been there. Then there is the Predalien (which on further research turns out to be a Predalien Queen and the reason why it can impregnate people with out using a face hugger) which is so ugly and not in a scary way, it is just ugly I hope to god Giger had nothing to do with it. All I can say is that it has dreadlocks.
So in conclusion, apart from maybe three scenes where the film is a little bit good, I would avoid this till it comes out on DVD (or Blue-Ray or HD-DVD or Apple Store, or whatever the future brings) then get very drunk with your friends and enjoy it that way.
Blakeborough
I promise that unless something noteworthy actually happens in Primeval from this week onwards I will try not to write about it again. Mainly because I am genuinely baffled why a series that is so abysmal is getting rave reviews all over the interweb.
Normally,
+ 
All this and more complaints before we'd gotten to the spitting sea cucumber which was the prehistoric monster of choice this week. I'd love to take Primeval for what it is, and enjoy the silliness but none of the characters feel real, or the actors particularly bothered, so I'm reduced to finding fault with everything:
1) The anomaly produces radio interference. Better get to work on a machine that can detect such a thing... What? That already exists? A radio? Never heard of it.
2) Woe is me, I'm socially awkward, inept with women and live in a sexless relationship with Hannah Spearritt and her collection of lizards that she substitutes for children. Good thing I look like an underwear model. None of those things seem to matter now.
3) Gasp! Claudia Brown is lost in time. But wait, Jenny Rod-Up-My-Arse is her counterpart in this universe, and now I work with her. Better be as unpleasant as possible. That'll make her believe my wild stories.
4) People who wear red socks with a blue suit are knobs and deserve to be eaten by Sea Cucumbers. Sound observation ITV.
5) If you write advert breaks into the script the audience can tell, you know.
I probably won't be watching it next week. Then again, I'm far too intrigued how Thorpe Park is going to work as a location. I foresee the team chasing a dinosaur through 'X- No Way Out' then Hannah Spearritt in a white t shirt riding Tidal Wave.
Really should be TV gold, right?
Blakeborough
I do love a good sci-fi themed day on the blog, so Torchwood seems like a fairly sensible place to start my own offering. I have to say that for me, the first series of Torchwood lacked something. Although each character was lovable in their own way and events were genuinely surprising and engaging, I never really believed in the team. From the first minutes of the start of the brand new second series I felt a love for Torchwood that only a blowfish alien could instill in me; with it, a tongue-in-cheek comedy that never really found its stride in the first series. The show always had the greatest potential in its fabulous writer's and production team, but it really feels to me now that Torchwood has become a entity all of its own, rather than the 'adult Doctor Who' as described by so many casual viewers.
'Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang' was a wonderful opening to series two and has fully ensured that I will be in front of BBC2 every Wednesday at 9pm for the foreseeable future. James Marsters as Spike...I mean Captain John, was surprisingly excellent and it was lovely to see him not pining after Buffy. If my eyes do not deceive me, it looks like he may be returning later in the series as hinted by the trailers at the end of the episode; 'citing!
Although Jack, Ianto, Gwen, Owen and Tosh are essentially the same characters it was kind of nice to see them all integrate properly as a team without the need for exchange of various fluids. No doubt we'll have plenty of that later on in the series though, which can only be a good thing!
Not wanting to waffle, all I can really say is Brilliant. Shamelessly brazen, yet at times self consciously reserved, Torchwood has finally achieved unashamed fantastically watchable entertainment, which really, is the whole point.
As a bit of a last thought, I must just mention how in love with Eve Myles (plays Gwen Cooper) I now am. Anyone who can appear on Loose Women and be genuinely beguiling and charming whilst talking about John Barrowman's famous phallus is wonderful in my opinion. I warn you, this is probably not the first 'I love Gwen' speech to come from me!
Blackett
Sadly I was working the night that the second series first aired and I have only recently had time to see this 'dummies guide on how to make a bad sci-fi drama.' And it has made me sad, here are some of the reasons.
